To Laqueze Czunoe

Currently missing my bf laqueze czunoe.. am i still allowed to call him mine? i don't know.. :( can't compare the feelings for him and for others.. is it because his gone or what? is this for real? am numb nweiz.. no matter what i say, its not enough for the people to understand me.. my bf passed away 2 yrs ago.. the pain still here.. the love will always be here.. am hurting.. still hurting.. smiling but crying inside.. no one to talk to its because i guess, no one ever believe a fool like me.. but people i just want you to know, i know how to love.. and when i love, i love too much.. i love deeply.. its just that my pride is too high to show it to you.. 

To lake, 

baby, am still longing for you.. i miss you and i love you.. sorry for the things ive done.. and i already forgave you for those shit you did.. i hope god gave me a chance to talk to you to let you know what i really feel inside.. there are so many things i want to tell you but scared to let people know.. i want to apologize and i want to say thank you. i want to cry on your shoulder. baby i love you. :) i hope you are okay there.. i'll be fine here.. :)

IM IN PAIN

IM INLOVE

IM STILL GRIEVING. 

NO EXCITEMENT

am really pissed off right now and i really don't know what to say!! i feel like being taken for granted.. i know am not part of their family nor relatives but i seems like, they're just thinking bout themselves.. what's more applicable for them.. what's their best time.. no matter how i tried to understand the situation, i don't know.. am just the bestfriend and i should not give a damn but hey, am working and its not easy for me to file a leave of absence.. 1st time changes is okay.. 2nd time, enough.. 3rd time is too much! and i know my bestfriend is hurting everytime i say something bad.. but wut bout me? is always like this.. i feel like am a piece of crap.. damn it..