SEE MY MADNESS!!

I want to say something but i cant its because people might get hurt.. Here i can say everything.. I want.. I can talk shit i can say how bad people are.. i can express how mad, sad, dissapointed i am.. Coz here i find freedom.. The hell i care if you dont give a damn on my post.. its you who has a problem with this.. Not my loss..  In this world where i need to be not me.. I hate it.. maybe you will say, Whye cant you be yourself? duh.. its easy to say.. i am me.. i am myself but cant say all the time.. i have to please them i have to deal with their shit!! PUTA nakkasawa.. nakkapagod.. i am immoral.. i am a bitch!!! i fuck, i suck andthe hell you care??!!! you are just a piece of asshole!! dont react like as if you're not doing anything bad.. yer immoral too.. cmon.. you dont have sex?! you dont talk dirty?! fuck you!! i am a single mom so what's up?!! does it make yer life miserable?!!! I cheated, coz am a cheater.. yer not? yea yer not its because yer bf is cheating on you.. yer like a playgame for him.. I kissed alot of men and you?!! no one wants to kiss even yer hand!!!! So people cmon react on this!!! you love this?! love me for this!!! you want this?!! want me more?!! i am myself.. i talk dirty i did, doing silly mistakes.. dat makes me real human.. are you god??!! ULOL!! Who do u think you are??!!!yer just a pain in yer parents ass!!!! i shut the fuck up not because am scared but because i have a reputation and i have manner but if you really want me to give a fuck on you then lets fuck each other!!!! am good in bed.. people dont know how great i am.. AM CLEAN when am having sex.. yer stupid!!!!  Lets ruin yer night babe.. am not gonna accept any apology from you.. rott in hel you jerks and bitches!!! i dont mind being alon, atleast i know am not with the trash!!!!!

FUCK UP!

Here I am again, blogging.. haha.. Its been a long time since my last post.. Sorry i was just busy.. I am not really okay.. Had a long stressful conversation with my boss and i feel like i want to relax.. But how? I am alone in nowhere.. Fuck, yeah alone.. My friends are all busy with their own life, ofcourse jade cmon, they have a life and you dont.. Ive called my bestfriend's house and asked her if i can just stay there, but she told me they'll be going to the gym in awhile.. Its actually unexpected answer.. Nweiz, Then texted my guy friend and told him am bored and he said "labas ka.. pupunta ako sa team mate ko eh.." so i replied, "ah.. cge.." Then he texted back "bkit ka pala bored?" I just answered, " am bored means I need a friend ".

-- That's not my problem.. umM.. Ive been single for 3 years now.. after my bf passed away, i dont have any plan to have another one since i already have my baby.. Now, am encountering lots of bad feedbacks coz i am having an affair daw to this guy.. okay, i like this guy.. i guess he likes me either but i know we can't be together because of his cousin.. and here's another one, i feel like i was betrayed by my friend its because she's telling everyone that am not really a good friend.. That am just into boys and i dont care bout them.. My god.. Never in my life that boys became my 1st priority.. Never.. So what's your problem?! i dont know what to do.. they're talkng behind my back and despite the things ive done for them, sigh! Shit talaga.. Its really better to be alone now.. No Friend, NO anyone.. I should learn to be an evil talaga.. I hate rejection, i hate backfighter but i hate the fact that i have a frenemies..


Just back off and get out of my life!!!

i hate them

i dont know what kind of feeling i have right now.. i am sad.. i know i am bad.. am judging now.. i don't know why.. maybe its because i know i've hurt a lot of people.. am not sure if they deserve to get that or am just being hypocrite.. ANG GULO.. haiz..

i've been a good person.. in fact, my classmate called me before near to perfection.. am not being mayabang but that's what they told me.. not because am pretty but they said am too kind.. a smiling face lil girl you can see..

am hurting.. in pain.. i know if i'd go back to my old self, i might get hurt.. ppol will take the chance para gaguhin na naman ako.. am mad until now to those who took advantage of me.. i can forgive ofcourse but i will never forget.. prang now, i can only trust few ppol.. minsan kc kung cnu pa ung akala mo na kaibgan un pa gagawa ng kalokohan sayo.. based on my experience its true.. i just realized last night that i lose a what you call "frenemy"..


BITCH
SLUT
FUCK.

i hate them i hate them i hate them!!!!!

To Laqueze Czunoe

Currently missing my bf laqueze czunoe.. am i still allowed to call him mine? i don't know.. :( can't compare the feelings for him and for others.. is it because his gone or what? is this for real? am numb nweiz.. no matter what i say, its not enough for the people to understand me.. my bf passed away 2 yrs ago.. the pain still here.. the love will always be here.. am hurting.. still hurting.. smiling but crying inside.. no one to talk to its because i guess, no one ever believe a fool like me.. but people i just want you to know, i know how to love.. and when i love, i love too much.. i love deeply.. its just that my pride is too high to show it to you.. 

To lake, 

baby, am still longing for you.. i miss you and i love you.. sorry for the things ive done.. and i already forgave you for those shit you did.. i hope god gave me a chance to talk to you to let you know what i really feel inside.. there are so many things i want to tell you but scared to let people know.. i want to apologize and i want to say thank you. i want to cry on your shoulder. baby i love you. :) i hope you are okay there.. i'll be fine here.. :)

IM IN PAIN

IM INLOVE

IM STILL GRIEVING. 

NO EXCITEMENT

am really pissed off right now and i really don't know what to say!! i feel like being taken for granted.. i know am not part of their family nor relatives but i seems like, they're just thinking bout themselves.. what's more applicable for them.. what's their best time.. no matter how i tried to understand the situation, i don't know.. am just the bestfriend and i should not give a damn but hey, am working and its not easy for me to file a leave of absence.. 1st time changes is okay.. 2nd time, enough.. 3rd time is too much! and i know my bestfriend is hurting everytime i say something bad.. but wut bout me? is always like this.. i feel like am a piece of crap.. damn it..

OLD me, NEW me ):(

OLD ME:

I'm not saying am perfect nor good samaritan.. but the way people described me, i can proudly say i was a good person.. for me, before, i was a good girl.. after school straight to the house.. will be home from a field game at 6pm.. sleep early.. always say, YES and opo to my parents and grannie.. always have a positive outlook in life.. keeps on smiling to all even though i know some are being plastic.. forgiving, like no matter what you did to me.. just say sorry and everything will turn out fine.. friendly to my neighbors and in school.. i dont want to fight with anyone..


But as time goes by, experience taught me how to.... 

NEW ME:

How to be strong.. how to be a poker face.. how to say NO and defend myself.. i accept criticism but not a judgement.. i can't say, am now a negative thinker but am just being realistic.. i realized, you cann tink positive all the time.. coz its like yer being unreal.. i mean, yer being stupid to think of good things when you know the truth.. am more on practicality now.. if before, am into playing games.. now, am into business.. all bout business.. its upto the people if they cant accept my new me,, i dont care anymore.. am not perfect nor near to that.. but love my imperfection the way i love yours..

MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT!!

judgmental

i don't know how will i start this blog.. anyway, i need to.. 

when i was a kid, i really hate people who can't do anything but to judge other person. i was thinking before that they don't have the heart.. for me, they don't have the right to say such things or who gave them the power to say such words.. i also experienced the same thing.. people are judging me the way i look, the way i dressed up, the way i talk.. i also experienced that in my own family.. like, "jade, cno mga friends mo, tga san ba yan? baka taga squatter yan huh wag ka makikipag kaibigan sa mga taga dun." "jade, sa public klang nag aaral baka hindi ka matuto ng english huh.." now, not only my family but also other people.. people who doesn't have any right to say those kind of words to me.. like, "hindi ako naniniwala na tga village yan c jade, c jade user lng yan.. c jade, wala nmn connection yan." "jade is a bitch, she can never find the right guy coz she's not right for  anyone.." "baka pag nagkita pa c jade at bf ko, baka sya pa bumigay." "c jade nmn tlg nanlalandi sa knya eh". those words i can't take..

and also, the bitter truth.. i just found myself being judgmental now.. i don't know how.. bu i realized, im like them..